Someone Filed a Restraining Order Against You: What to Do

By Matthew Barhoma, Esq. — California State Bar No. 319339 | Last updated: November 2026

If someone filed a restraining order against you in California, three things are true right now. First, the temporary order you were served with is already in force, and violating it — even by a text, even if the allegations are false — is a crime under Penal Code section 273.6. Second, a hearing is set, generally within 21 days of the temporary order, and that hearing is the trial: the judge will decide whether to enter an order against you that can last up to five years, go into the statewide CLETS law-enforcement database, require you to surrender every firearm you own, and trigger a presumption against you in any custody case. Third, the order is not automatic. The person who filed must prove their case, you have the right to file a written response, testify, present evidence, and cross-examine them, and a large share of restraining order requests are denied or dismissed when the respondent shows up prepared. The Restraining Order Law Firm defends people served with domestic violence, civil harassment, workplace violence, elder abuse, and gun violence restraining orders in Los Angeles, Orange, Riverside, San Bernardino, San Diego, and Ventura Counties. This page tells you what to do, in order. Call (888) 808-2179 for a confidential consultation.

Served with a restraining order: at a glance

First: understand exactly what you were served with

The papers you received contain three things, and each one matters. The request (Form DV-100 for a domestic violence order, CH-100 for civil harassment, WV-100 for workplace violence, EA-100 for elder abuse, GV-100 for gun violence) is the petitioner’s sworn account of what you did. Read it twice. It is the case against you, and every allegation in it is something you will need to admit, deny, or explain at the hearing. The temporary restraining order (DV-110, CH-110, WV-110, EA-110, or GV-110) is the order already in effect; it lists exactly what you may not do — contact, approach, possess firearms, sometimes return to your own home — and it binds you until the hearing. The notice of court hearing (DV-109, CH-109, WV-109, EA-109, or GV-109) gives the date, time, and courtroom. Put that date everywhere. Missing it is the single most damaging thing you can do.

Which order you were served with determines the statute, the burden of proof, and the defenses. A domestic violence restraining order applies only between spouses, partners, exes, cohabitants, co-parents, and close relatives, and the petitioner must prove “abuse” as defined in Family Code § 6203 by a preponderance of the evidence. A civil harassment restraining order applies to everyone else and requires proof of “harassment” by clear and convincing evidence. A workplace violence restraining order is filed by an employer, an elder abuse restraining order by or for a person 65 or older or a dependent adult, and a gun violence restraining order addresses firearms access alone. A criminal protective order is different in kind: it is issued by a criminal court in a pending case, not requested by a private party, and it is handled through the criminal case.

The first 72 hours: what to do and what not to do

Obey the temporary order completely, starting now. This is the rule that decides more cases than any other. Do not call, text, email, message, or write to the petitioner. Do not ask a friend, relative, or your children to pass along a message. Do not respond if the petitioner contacts you — the order binds you, not them, and a reply is a violation even if they reached out first. Do not go to the protected locations. If you share a home and the order excludes you, leave, and arrange through counsel or a police civil standby to retrieve essentials. Every violation is a misdemeanor under Penal Code § 273.6, and under N.T. v. H.T. (2019) 34 Cal.App.5th 595, a violation of the temporary order is itself evidence of abuse that can support the final order. Respondents lose winnable cases by sending one “can we please just talk” text.

Surrender your firearms within 24 hours. If the temporary order includes a firearm prohibition — and in domestic violence, civil harassment, and workplace violence cases it does — you must turn in every firearm and all ammunition to law enforcement or sell them to a licensed dealer within 24 hours of being served, and file proof with the court. Possessing a firearm while restrained is a separate crime under Penal Code § 29825 and federal law (18 U.S.C. § 922(g)(8)). Do this even if you intend to fight the order and expect to win; the prohibition lifts if the order is denied.

Preserve everything. Do not delete messages, call logs, photos, voicemails, social-media posts, or location data — yours or the petitioner’s. Deleting evidence looks like consciousness of guilt, and you will need the complete record. The petitioner’s request will quote selected messages; your defense will usually rest on the ones they left out, the ones they sent, and the context around each line. Export full threads with dates visible. Screenshot the petitioner’s public posts. Write down, today, your own account of each incident alleged, with dates, places, and the names of anyone who was present.

Identify witnesses and documents. Anyone who saw or heard the incidents described, anyone who can speak to the petitioner’s conduct toward you, and anyone who can confirm where you were. Receipts, work schedules, phone records, and travel records that place you somewhere else. Police reports, if any exist, in full.

Do not talk about the case publicly. No social-media posts about the petitioner, the case, or the hearing. Anything you write will be printed and handed to the judge.

Do not contact the police to “give your side” unless a lawyer has told you to. If there is any possibility of a parallel criminal investigation — and in domestic violence cases there often is — a statement to police is a statement to the prosecutor.

Talk to a lawyer this week. The hearing is in two to three weeks. A restraining order hearing is a compressed trial with permanent consequences, and the defense has to be built, not improvised. The firm’s 24/7 emergency help line exists for exactly this situation.

How to respond: the written response

Each order type has a response form: DV-120 (domestic violence), CH-120 (civil harassment), WV-120 (workplace violence), EA-120 (elder abuse), and GV-120 (gun violence). Filing a response is not legally required to appear at the hearing, but you should file one, and you should treat it as the first draft of your defense. The judge will read it before you say a word, and in some courtrooms it is the only thing the judge reads carefully.

A strong response does four things. It answers each allegation specifically — admit what is true, deny what is false, and explain what is incomplete — rather than offering a blanket denial, which judges discount. It tells your own account of the relationship and the incidents in chronological order, with dates. It attaches the evidence that matters most: the complete message threads, the petitioner’s own messages, photographs, and witness declarations. And it asks the court for what you want: denial of the order, and if there are children, specific custody and visitation orders.

The response must be filed with the court and served on the petitioner (by someone other than you, who is at least 18) before the hearing. In domestic violence cases, if you want the judge to consider it, it should be served at least five court days before the hearing, though courts routinely accept late responses. Our page on fighting a false domestic violence restraining order walks through the DV-120 in detail.

Two cautions about the response. Do not use it to attack the petitioner’s character in ways unconnected to the allegations; judges read that as confirmation of the petition. And be careful what you admit if a criminal case is pending or possible. A sworn statement in a restraining order case can be used in a criminal prosecution, and your Fifth Amendment position has to be managed deliberately. This is one of the reasons the firm, as a d/b/a of Barhoma Law, P.C., handles both sides of a dual-track case together.

The defenses that actually win restraining order cases

Restraining order defenses fall into four families. Most winning cases use two or more of them together.

1. The conduct is not “abuse” or “harassment” as the statute defines it

This is the most underused defense and often the strongest, because it does not require the judge to call the petitioner a liar. It asks the judge to apply the law to the conduct as alleged. Under the Domestic Violence Prevention Act, abuse means causing or attempting bodily injury, sexual assault, placing a person in reasonable fear of imminent serious injury, or conduct a court could enjoin under Family Code § 6320 — including “disturbing the peace,” defined as conduct that destroys the other person’s mental or emotional calm, and coercive control. That is broad, but it has limits the courts enforce. In Curcio v. Pels (2020) 47 Cal.App.5th 1, the Court of Appeal reversed a restraining order built on a single private social-media post and observed that the DVPA was not enacted to address every dispute between former couples. In S.M. v. E.P. (2010) 184 Cal.App.4th 1249, badgering during a custody dispute was held not to be abuse. Arguments, rudeness, a painful breakup, and co-parenting friction are not, by themselves, abuse. Our guide to what counts as abuse under Family Code 6203 sorts the conduct that qualifies from the conduct that does not.

Under the civil harassment statute the bar is higher still. The petitioner must prove, by clear and convincing evidence, unlawful violence, a credible threat of violence, or a knowing and willful course of conduct — a pattern, not one incident — that serves no legitimate purpose and would cause a reasonable person substantial emotional distress. Conduct with a legitimate purpose (a neighbor dispute over a fence line, a landlord’s lawful notices, a creditor’s collection) and constitutionally protected activity (speech, petitioning, litigation) cannot be enjoined.

2. The petitioner does not have the relationship the statute requires

A domestic violence restraining order is available only against a current or former spouse, partner, cohabitant, dating or engagement partner, co-parent, child, or close relative, as listed in Family Code § 6211. If the petitioner is a roommate with no personal relationship, a friend you never dated, a cousin, or a former in-law, the court has no authority to issue a DVRO regardless of what is alleged. This defense is a complete bar, though the petitioner may be allowed to refile under the civil harassment statute with its higher burden. Our page on who can get a domestic violence restraining order explains the categories and the cases, including O’Kane v. Irvine (1996) 47 Cal.App.4th 207 (roommate not a “cohabitant”).

3. The allegations are false, exaggerated, or taken out of context

Restraining order requests are filed in the middle of divorces, custody fights, breakups, evictions, and business disputes, and the timing is evidence. The defense here is built on the complete record: the full message thread rather than the curated screenshot; the petitioner’s own messages, which often show affection, initiation of contact, or threats of their own; the petitioner’s conduct after the alleged abuse, such as inviting you over or leaving the children with you; prior inconsistent statements, including to police; and witnesses. Cross-examination is where this defense is won. A petitioner whose declaration says one thing and whose texts say another will be confronted with the difference, and judges who hear these cases every day know what a tactical petition looks like.

4. You acted in self-defense, or the conduct was mutual

Family Code § 6305 forbids a mutual restraining order unless both parties filed their own requests and the court makes detailed findings that both acted as primary aggressors and neither acted primarily in self-defense, using the dominant-aggressor factors in Penal Code § 836(c)(3). A respondent who was defending against the petitioner’s violence has not committed abuse, and evidence of the petitioner’s own aggression — injuries to you, their messages, their prior conduct — is admissible and often decisive. In Isidora M. v. Silvino M. (2015) 239 Cal.App.4th 11, a mutual order was reversed because the trial court skipped the required findings.

What is not a defense

“I didn’t mean it.” Intent is not an element of most enjoinable conduct. “She contacted me first.” The order binds you, not her. “He’s just doing this to get the house.” Motive is evidence of credibility, but it is not a defense if the conduct happened. “I’ll just explain it to the judge.” The judge is deciding a contested evidentiary hearing; explanation without evidence loses to a sworn declaration with screenshots.

What happens at the hearing

The restraining order hearing is a trial compressed into an hour or less. The judge has read the request, the temporary order, and your response. The petitioner testifies and presents evidence; you (or your lawyer) cross-examine. You testify and present evidence; the petitioner cross-examines. Witnesses are called. The judge rules, usually from the bench, the same day. There is no jury, there is rarely a second chance, and the rules of evidence apply, though more loosely than in a civil trial.

Three things decide most hearings. Credibility — the judge is deciding whom to believe, and consistency between your declaration, your testimony, and the documents is what builds it. Documents — the party with the complete, dated, organized record usually wins the credibility contest. And the law — the judge must find the statutory elements, and a respondent who can say “even taken as true, this is not abuse under § 6203” has given the judge a lawful reason to deny.

If you need more time to gather evidence or retain counsel, you may ask for a continuance; in domestic violence cases a respondent is entitled to one continuance as a matter of right on the first request, and the temporary order stays in effect until the new date. Our California restraining order hearing page explains the hearing in depth, including remote appearances, continuances, and what to bring.

What is at stake if the order is granted

A restraining order after hearing is not “just a piece of paper.” It is entered in the statewide CLETS database and visible to every police officer in California. It bars you from owning or possessing firearms or ammunition for its duration — up to five years — under Family Code § 6389 and Code of Civil Procedure § 527.9, with a parallel federal felony exposure under 18 U.S.C. § 922(g)(8). If you have children with the petitioner, a domestic violence finding triggers the rebuttable presumption under Family Code § 3044 that giving you sole or joint custody is detrimental to the child, with a five-year lookback; see domestic violence restraining orders and child custody. It can require you to move out of a home you own or lease. It appears in background checks run by employers, landlords, and licensing boards, and many professional licensees — nurses, teachers, security guards, real-estate licensees, contractors, attorneys — have reporting obligations. For non-citizens, a domestic violence finding or a violation can affect immigration status. And any violation is a crime that can be charged as a felony if it involves violence or is a second offense within seven years.

The order can also be renewed. Within three months before it expires, the protected person can ask for another five years or a permanent order, and under Ritchie v. Konrad (2004) 115 Cal.App.4th 1275 they need only show a reasonable apprehension of future abuse, not new abuse. An order you do not fight now can follow you for a decade.

If you miss the hearing

If you do not appear, the judge can enter the order by default, for its maximum term, based solely on the petitioner’s account. A default order carries every consequence described above. Depending on the circumstances, a default may be challenged by a motion to set aside under Code of Civil Procedure § 473(b) (mistake, inadvertence, surprise, or excusable neglect, generally within six months), by a motion to modify or terminate the order, or by appeal within the deadline. The firm has set aside existing orders by motion — in one Los Angeles County case, an order entered at the Metropolitan Courthouse was lifted after a hearing on a motion to set it aside. But the window is short and the burden shifts to you. Showing up is far easier than undoing a default.

Should you agree to an order “without admitting anything”?

Petitioners’ lawyers sometimes offer a stipulated order: you agree to a restraining order, or to a mutual stay-away, with no finding of abuse. Occasionally this is the right outcome — it can avoid a § 3044 custody presumption and end litigation. More often it is not, because the order still goes into CLETS, still prohibits firearms, still appears on background checks, and still exposes you to criminal prosecution if violated, and the “no finding” language does far less in the real world than it sounds like it does. Many judges will not sign a mutual order without the § 6305 findings in any event. The better negotiated outcome, where the facts support it, is a dismissal — sometimes paired with an informal, non-CLETS agreement about contact. The firm has obtained full dismissals of domestic violence and civil harassment petitions by negotiation at the Stanley Mosk, Santa Monica, Central Justice Center, and Moreno Valley courthouses, each of which ended the case with no order of any kind. Do not sign anything the other side hands you in the hallway without advice.

If there is also a criminal case

Many domestic violence restraining orders are filed alongside an arrest or a pending charge under Penal Code § 273.5, § 243(e)(1), § 422, or § 646.9, and the criminal court will usually issue its own criminal protective order. The two cases must be handled together. Anything you say under oath at the restraining order hearing can be used in the criminal case, which may mean asserting the Fifth Amendment on some questions; conversely, a restraining order denial can be powerful leverage in the criminal case. Because the Restraining Order Law Firm is a d/b/a of Barhoma Law, P.C., a criminal defense firm, we coordinate both matters under one roof rather than leaving two lawyers to work at cross purposes.

What the Restraining Order Law Firm does for respondents

Defense is the larger part of our restraining order practice, and the results speak to how these cases are won. Domestic violence restraining order requests have been denied after trial for our clients at the Lamoreaux Justice Center in Orange County and the Stanley Mosk Courthouse in downtown Los Angeles. Civil harassment requests have been denied after trial at the Palm Springs and Corona courthouses in Riverside County, the Long Beach Courthouse, and the Orange County Superior Court — including a case in which a temporary order had already issued and the permanent order was defeated at trial. Two related civil harassment cases were dismissed through trial at Stanley Mosk. Domestic violence petitions have been fully dismissed by negotiation at Stanley Mosk, Santa Monica, and the Central Justice Center in Santa Ana, and civil harassment petitions dismissed at the Central Justice Center, Moreno Valley, and Whittier. An existing domestic violence order was set aside by motion at the Metropolitan Courthouse. Prior results do not guarantee a similar outcome; every case turns on its own facts. But they show the approach: a defense built on the statute, the complete record, and cross-examination, by a firm that tries these hearings every week.

When you call, we will read the petition with you, identify which defenses apply, tell you plainly how strong your position is, and lay out what the next three weeks look like — the response, the evidence, the witnesses, the hearing. We appear in every courthouse in Los Angeles, Orange, Riverside, San Bernardino, San Diego, and Ventura Counties, from offices at 835 Wilshire Blvd., Floor 5, Los Angeles 90017 and 695 Town Center Dr., #1200, Costa Mesa 92626.

Frequently asked questions

Consult With a Restraining Order Lawyer Today

The clock started when you were served. Call (888) 808-2179 or request a confidential consultation with the Restraining Order Law Firm. We will review the petition, tell you where you stand, and start building the defense before the hearing date arrives. If the situation is urgent, our 24/7 emergency help line is available now.

The Restraining Order Law Firm is a d/b/a of Barhoma Law, P.C. This page is attorney advertising and general information about California law, not legal advice. Reading it does not create an attorney-client relationship. Prior results do not guarantee a similar outcome. Statutes, forms, and deadlines change — verify all references with counsel before relying on them. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.